Choice and Existentsm pt. 2

**I have had a lot of thoughts lately, and both of this posts are in process. I hope to edit to make them more cohesive, but i still want to make them availible for people to comment. These posts are pretty raw and not well edited but i believe in the validity of that. They are also open to interpretation, and hopefully eventually will make it into a more cogent form. ***

Tonight I went to a Christmas party, and it confirmed alot of what i have been feeling. I really don't want alot of what i am told I should strive for.
I was in a great conversation on why I didn't think Kevin Smith (of clerks fame) was a good director, when I was distracted by a group of pretensious 40-somethings talk about wine.

I have a problem with ease dropping.

Anyways, there was a man wearing a turtleneck under a v-neck talking trash about one of my friends who actually knows about wine... It is a moot pnt. that I know that the turtle neck guy was just trying to look cool and knowledgable about wine, but it illistrated something I have felt deeply lately: I don't want a normal life, and the normal things i am told to have.
One of my friends recently posted about making tough choices about turning away from easy physical gratification, and it really struck a chord with me. I wish i had such preemptive wisdom.
I am often told by culture that I should be married and have children by now. I am told that I should have a "career" and a "house" and feel complete. However, I don't want this.
I want adventure, and I want independance (at least for now) and I want to interact with people that God created but western Christendom forgot. I want to find Grace in all areas of life and in all relationships. I want to live in a culture where i am the minority and I am viewed as exotic. I want to struggle and I want to be only responcibile for what God has set for me.
I have realized recently that I could have chosen a life in which i could have a wife and family, and a "career" and comfort, and that knowledge that a person "likes" the idea of me, but I know that this is not me. And I know this is not what I would like, and I know that I would rather be alone on an adventure that settling for something that a culture told me to have.
This raging against what i am told to have is a great struggle for me because identity in christendom is so wraped in it. But I want something more, adn if i am supposed to have a family, I want to tell my children about the glories of God's world and the adventures they can have, and not the wine parties and the pretense that they can achive.

This is my choice. There is sacrifice, but i am excited for this, and the gains from this sacrifice.

In closing, i want to share what a friend shared with me a long time ago, and who i have lost contact with, God has you on a course striving for his purpose, and if so be it eventually you find someone whose path merges with yours... and some people never merge, but that is ok.
I believe we have a choice to merge, and I know where I want my path to go, and I don't want to merge unless it ends in a simlar place. And I am ok with that... and if Christendom doesn't like that then so be it, but Christ is bigger that Christendom, and redeems my choices and experience.