Unhappy?

From Toothpaste For Dinner:

The Best Christmas ever... beside that one with Jesus

Yeah, I love my nephew... That's about all I have to say. He's amazing.

Evolution Sunday and Empathy

Today I got an interesting e-mail. I have subscribed to a number of different groups that have a variety of bents. I am a member of Sojourners... and I get annoyed with them because they view that the "right" is wrong, and thus the "left" is Christian... yeah that is too simplistic.
Anyways, there is a group that sends out various things and causes that tend to be left of center but carry a less biased view. Anyways, I got an e-mail about "evolution sunday." I was excited. I even forwarded it to my pastors....
So let me preface this.... I am not sure about evolution... also I am really not convinced by "young earth" creationists... and I love the beauty of poetry... What does poetry have to do with this?
Oh yeah, the creation story follows Hebrew poetry, and may be a "myth" in that a literary way of explaining how God created the world...
All that aside, the bigger issue is empathy. What am i talking about? This is crazy pants! I must believe "a" or "b" otherwise how could i be a Christian....
Yeah so really I don't really even care about "evolution/creation" debate, I want to understand where people come from. I have no interest in figuring out how God created the universe. I love the struggle though.
Richard Dawkins believes that evolution proves theology wrong. Francisis Collins disagrees, Alister McGarth disagrees even more, and Answers in Genisis makes me sad they claim to be Christian....
All that to say, I feel the need to ask others for forgivness for Christians without scientific knowledge but with holy zeal... and I need to look at the philosophical implications of belief...

Yeah, I don't know how God created the world, but whatever the process it still does not take away that I believe he was the process... All that to say, we need to have empathy for others, and not create extra rules for grace to impart on others. I love the mystery, and i know Jesus/the God Head/the Holy Spirit love it too.

Come on and Do the Elf Dance

Granted for most right now it is Christmas Eve, but to me the eve is what it is all about. It has been tradition to open presents and have an hor'derve dinner on Christmas Eve. In between smoked fish on crackers and rice pudding for dessert, we open presents. However, this year was nice for me. I asked for cash, and that is what i got. No let down of not getting what i really wanted, because was i really wanted was a trip to Asia, and i got that in Nov. and now my family has helped foot the bill... but that isn't what i really wanted to write about.
I have a nephew. He is great. He is perfect for the most part, and alas he is five months old. But today, I got to see him laugh, cry, fall asleep on my chest, and even roll over. He's freakin' amazing. Alas even more amazing than Asia, which is a whole lot of amazing. Anyways, here are some pictures from the day. Merry Christmas all.

Choice and Existentsm pt. 2

**I have had a lot of thoughts lately, and both of this posts are in process. I hope to edit to make them more cohesive, but i still want to make them availible for people to comment. These posts are pretty raw and not well edited but i believe in the validity of that. They are also open to interpretation, and hopefully eventually will make it into a more cogent form. ***

Tonight I went to a Christmas party, and it confirmed alot of what i have been feeling. I really don't want alot of what i am told I should strive for.
I was in a great conversation on why I didn't think Kevin Smith (of clerks fame) was a good director, when I was distracted by a group of pretensious 40-somethings talk about wine.

I have a problem with ease dropping.

Anyways, there was a man wearing a turtleneck under a v-neck talking trash about one of my friends who actually knows about wine... It is a moot pnt. that I know that the turtle neck guy was just trying to look cool and knowledgable about wine, but it illistrated something I have felt deeply lately: I don't want a normal life, and the normal things i am told to have.
One of my friends recently posted about making tough choices about turning away from easy physical gratification, and it really struck a chord with me. I wish i had such preemptive wisdom.
I am often told by culture that I should be married and have children by now. I am told that I should have a "career" and a "house" and feel complete. However, I don't want this.
I want adventure, and I want independance (at least for now) and I want to interact with people that God created but western Christendom forgot. I want to find Grace in all areas of life and in all relationships. I want to live in a culture where i am the minority and I am viewed as exotic. I want to struggle and I want to be only responcibile for what God has set for me.
I have realized recently that I could have chosen a life in which i could have a wife and family, and a "career" and comfort, and that knowledge that a person "likes" the idea of me, but I know that this is not me. And I know this is not what I would like, and I know that I would rather be alone on an adventure that settling for something that a culture told me to have.
This raging against what i am told to have is a great struggle for me because identity in christendom is so wraped in it. But I want something more, adn if i am supposed to have a family, I want to tell my children about the glories of God's world and the adventures they can have, and not the wine parties and the pretense that they can achive.

This is my choice. There is sacrifice, but i am excited for this, and the gains from this sacrifice.

In closing, i want to share what a friend shared with me a long time ago, and who i have lost contact with, God has you on a course striving for his purpose, and if so be it eventually you find someone whose path merges with yours... and some people never merge, but that is ok.
I believe we have a choice to merge, and I know where I want my path to go, and I don't want to merge unless it ends in a simlar place. And I am ok with that... and if Christendom doesn't like that then so be it, but Christ is bigger that Christendom, and redeems my choices and experience.

Choice and Existentialism

**Note this is still in rough form, and not very cohessive, and not fully what i want to say, But i will post it and make corrections as nessessary. **

There are two things in life that I love (well there is more but philosophically there are two things): Choice and Existentialism. Both of these are interconnected and like theology (or the more popular term: worldview) these things inform my life and how i interact with the world in even the smallest instance. Also, like theology, my views on these things change. And I seem to be in quite the moment where these things have changed for me recently.
Last week, I was sitting in Old Chicago's with one of my closest and longest friends ever, and three people that I don't know very well, but have been quite friendly with as of late. So the two guys that i was with were discussing issues with women and relationships and the like, and requesting information from the two other women that we were with. The question of does God have a specific someone, or a group of people that could be your specific someone to spend the rest of your life with.
I have thought about this, and really I think this is a stupid way of looking at things. Because like so many of the little divining games that we play with God and his "will" this sets one up for failure either way.
Suppose I meet someone and I believe they are the "one" for me, but as I often do, i get the jitters and never really make a move and they move on and marry someone else. Blast! Did i just f'up my chance with "the one" that God "picked" for me... This is way to much pressure, and then it works on the other end too... A couple of times I know that someone thought I was "the one" and I KNEW that I was not the one, but you would not believe the pressure that that places on a person, and how freakin' creepy it can get. It also puts a person on a pedastil. But more about that later.
The second divining outcome is the "multiple One's." The thought goes that God has multiple people that could be your "one" and that it is your choice to pick. Yeah, here is the awesome problem with this... it opens one to the thought "hmm... I wonder if I didn't pick the best 'one' for me" and leads one to wonder this....
So both ways of approaching this is flawed. That's why I love existentialism. It is not my job to evaluate what God's will is, and if i like it, or even if i can divine what it is. It is my job to submit myself and say here I am, here are my wishes, thy will be done. But alas that is the hardest thing to do but it is the most satisfying.
The other area of Choice and existentialism that I love is evaluating others' motivation. Every choice and action i make affects everyone that I know. God created us for connectedness. However, as with everything in the fall, this has its tarnished spots too. When one person makes a choice and follows through with that, it can affect a multitude of people in Good and bad ways. However, in our culture now, it is the default to view everyone's actions as an afront to yourself personally if you don't like the result.
For example: This morning i was driving a van back from DIA. Now i am not familar with this van, as i don't drive it often. Being wet, the front window was beginning to get muddy. In an attempt to turn on the wipers, I flashed my brights at a VW that had just merged in front of me. This was the time I wished for an "oops" light, but alas there was no way to communicate to the driver that I was just an idiot that couldn't work the wipers, and that I was not mad at him for merging.
So this serves as an example of choices and descisions in life. There are things that people need to do, called to do, or even just choose to do that affects others. And in the spirit of deference one should not always jump to the conclusion of it is an intentional act againt the person.

Anyways, that was rambeling, and I believe i will be editing this in the future, but I will just post it and make changes as nessessary. Enjoy the spelling mistakes.

Two fun things...

Well for those that read this and are not in Colorado (Bethany I assume, and John and Lyndsey since they are in Australia). This is what you missed.
I got home from work at 9am because they had closed Foothills. I parked and there was a little bit of snow on the ground.... At about 2pm the snow was about half way up my tire. When I went to bed at 11pm you could still see some of the hub cap. This morning... it was completly covered. Also, My puppy loves to bound and play in the snow... and the snow is up to his head in my back yard. So cute.

Secondly, last night I found a list of "The most Dangerous Roads in the World." And the Taroko Gorge got an honnorable mention! That freakin' awesome! Bethany, Joanna and I survived one of the most dangerous roads in the world! For some reason I am super excited about that. Here is the Link to the website.

Emergent and Liberal

So my friend/pastor recently wrote a post about a conversation she had with her husband. While this post was interesting, the comments are what i loved. I ended up leaving a post and my computer sucked it up and deleted the post before i could submit it. So i thought i would post my response here. The question was about is the emergent church movement moving towards relativism and universialism. Which is quite the common criticism. But a completly irrelevant one. And here are my thoughts.
This is kind of a straw man argument against the emergent movement but I see how it happens. I believe that the emergent movement is a reaction out of what my generation has seen from the clergy. We were told that the clergy spoke for God and that the had "The Truth" and were just preaching "The Bible." Then we saw these people fall from grace and relaized that they are just human like us all. (Note: See Ted Haggard. He is a man just like us all, and I would not wish my issues hung out for everyone because I would shame Christian Faith with my actions.) However, we are a generation that saw the popular and the local fall and be just like us. If the pastor or the gatekeeper is just like us, then the question arises if we a person can arrive.
One of the most amazing things i have seen in years is Jay Bakker. I am not sure if i believe the same things as he does, but he is honnest. ANd he is broken (just like me), and he acknowledges that. And he realizes that brokeness is not a red card for ministry.
Jay Bakker is the son of Jim and Tammy Faye... and he still loves jesus and still has grace that is amazing.
So there is the preabmle... The real issue is that the emergent movement does not strive to take a stand, or make "truth" claims... That is nto to say they are relativistic or weak in philosophy. It is to say we are humble. In Rob Bell's book, Velvet Elvis, he talks about how the early apostles came to descisions but left room to understand they are falible. Thus they issued their beliefs as it "seems" that the Holy Spirit says this... Not "to be a Christian you must say this." The amazing thing about the emergent movement is that it strives to be humble and say "This is where i am at in ther journey, and I am open to God Correcting me."
This is Scary! I can here people say "But what about (insert issue here)" and needing an answer. But I don't think it is that easy. We can have convictions, but just because we have convictions doesn't mean that they are applicable to everyone or even that they are from God. I assume that Satan has some pretty stong convictions too.
All that being said. I really see that discord and conversation is something from God. It is obvious in the scripture that he has this dialogue with himself. Jesus request God to have this cup pass from him if it is possible (referring to being crusified) and the God-Head and the God-Man are the same entity. But we are made in God's image. Thus, i think questioning and conversatoin is part of that image. And the inability to know "Truth" for certain things is part of the fall. This is where God's grace comes in. He forgives and makes our knowledge perfect in the next, and not now. Thus can I really know "the truth," or be so concieded to say that my opinon is simiply just what "the bible says." NO! God wants me to engage in the process of Grace, and stumble along the way, and make his sacrifice worthwhile, and engage in the wonderful world he created and redeemed.
So I am no relativist, or universialist, but I believe that God's grace is big, and I don't know how or who it is imparted to ,but I think it is amazing and a mircle and I have my thougthts, but I am ok with being wrong.
And that is where I am at.

Please comment. I love to hear from others.

Tis the Season

So I love the end of the year... Not so much for Christmas, which i find a bit tough and obnoxious... That is because I watch alot of gift opening after a 10 minute preable of the real reason for Christmas. That is why i love Easter. No Gifts, and a ton of litergy.
But my favorite thing about December and January is it is the "Best Of" Season. And soon I will grace with world with my own personal "best of" list. But before that here are some of the favorite things i have seen. For example the onion has published their most important stories of the year, and as we all will remember as the year that K-Fed got his divorce. The link is here.

So just like those eagerly awaiting Santa's yearly B&E, i eagerly await the NY Film Critics and Entertainment Weekly's best of list.

Also, I found it weird that Time Magazine picked me as the person of the year... Check it out here. I guess moving in with your parents when you have a career and a puppy is so punk rock that they thought it was much more imporatant than say... umm Kim Jong Ill's nuclear weapons, Al Gore and his power point that was a movie hit, or even David Duke claiming that going to Iran an spewing hate about the Holocost was really a symposium on free speech (Mel Gibson was booked because of the Mayan Movie). I am glad that Time finally has recognized my achievments... Oh yeah, I also beat God Of War on the PS2 in like a week. That is probably what clinched it.

More about my quarter-life crisis

As many of you who have been friends with more for more than a month or two, you probably have figured out a couple things about my personality. One, I am a super happy guy, but I enjoy my meloncholy days like a warm blanket now and then. And Two: I still have no idea what I want to do with my life, but by process of elimination i keep figuring out what i don't want to do.
So I have been a therapist now for about 4 years! Weird huh, and I will have my licence in about a month... And I don't really want to be a therapist that much any more.
For a bit I thought I would like to go back to seminary. I totally dig theology and modern/post modern philosophy along with social justice and making people think. But then I figured out that most of the people that i enjoy as theological leaders are not M.Div's but come from different walks of life and breathing new life into the journey. Thus, i think i don't want to go to seminary again fearing that I would lose my love and excitment for it.
And then i travel... Yup, stupid traveling. I love it oh so much. Now some who have traveled with me may find this funny because, often i need some time alone when i travel to take it all in. But i tell you I love it! There is just so much beauty and excitment in the world outside of the most beautiful colorado. This brings me to my new thought ratteling around in my head.
Missions... yeah, i thought i would never have said that. But after going to Taiwan for a very brief time, I realize how exciting things are around the world. Now I know that Culture shock is tough being that i had a tough time only after 10 days. But it was also such a grand adventure. But then the problem is agian... I have a very western degree... and MA in Counseling... so not to sure how to live and work in Asia with a degree in a profession that doesn't really translate. Oh well, God will lead me if that is what I am supposed to do...
So with that Rabbit trail, I am lead to my new found love of Monday's... well for the last two weeks. I actually have found it fun to be relaxed and just read stuff for fun... This is odd for me since i love to be active and doing something.
The last few days, i have found a weird trend in the podcasts and articles that I have been reading. Thanks to the blog of a friend, I found out about Revolutions NYC Church. This is Jay Bakker's church. Jay Bakker is the son of Jim and Tammy Faye. They have a very progressive church in NYC and ATL. BUt one of the sermons online was about Christian response to Homosexuality... While I am not sure I agree, it was good in that it was researched and an attempt at honnesty. Another pod cast i listend to was the tony campolo podcast about Ted Haggard and homosexuality in Christianity. All very interesting and very explosive. And all the reason i love disscussion and honnest Christianity. I have linked to the different sites for the podcasts if you all are interested

Revolution NYC
Tony Campolo Podcast

"I love the Power Glove... It's So... Bad..."

Does anyone remeber the movie "The Wizard?" It was the Fred Savage movie from the late eighties/early ninties. I netflixed it and watched it last night.
It is funny to watch a movie that you absolutly loved as a child and then realized how bad it really is, and in that badness, realize that it was truly great.
Apart from the fact that Jenny Lewis was in it, it also introduced the power glove, and Super Mario Three. It also gave us the coveted look into the profession that we all wanted as children: The Nintendo Power Game Counselors. They were the reason I became a counselor. I thought I was going to school to help people through tough parts of video games, but by the time I realized I was helping people with their mental and emotional issues it was too late to change.
So, you might ask yourself: "who is Jenny Lewis?" Well she is the lead singer of Rilo Kiely and had one of the best solo cd's of the year this year... Oh yeah, and she was the smart and witty love interest of Fred Savage in the movie...
Finally, the greatest part of "The Wizard" is the moral to the story: Super Mario Three can cure a mentally and emotionally disturbed child, while simultaniously cure a very broken family system and an evil bounty hunter's heart to the love the children he is paid to hunt...
"The Wizard" may be the most important movie of all time.

Could it be the Hanso Foundation?

Hmm... i just saw this.... I wonder if it is a clever ploy from the Hanso foundation, and really what was in the food containers from lost... Click here to find out... I'm a nifty link! Click Me!

After Vacation Let Down

Well it is 5:45 in the morning on Saturday... It has been a weird adjustment comming back from a wicked exciting and fun vacation, and really my sleep schedule has not really gotten much better.
Anyways, I went back to work for the last two days, and realized how much i like vacation. And to drive the point home even more, everyone wants to talk about the vacation you wish you still were on.
The interesting thing is to tell the stories of all the strange adventures of traveling around an island 7000 miles away, and realizing just how special and amazing the trip it was. If only i could be a traveling therapist solving the worlds problems while seeing amazing marble gorges and eating squid on a stick.
The other interesting thing i realized is how much i am around people who swear. It was interesting in Taiwan, I only think i heard one swear and saw one once on a poster. Now, i know that sounds odd, but going for 10 days, and not hearing anything that i recognize as an expression of profane anger was kind of neat. I realize that may sound a bit uptight but it was a truely unique experience. Now, i do realize that I probably heard some chinese swears, but really i couldn't understand them. It is amazing to be surrounded by happy and heathly people for such a long period of time.
Anyways, that was my musings for this early morning. But here is a fun picture from my trip to Taiwan.